awww thanks.

made me smile reading all of that.

You said this yourself, so don't look at me badly for saying it. I don't think modeling is a healthy job. Models are like strippers that you pay to wear clothes instead of take them off. You're both selling your body out to look pretty to someone else's standards, because you like the money. The main difference is your job's labeled by society as legitimately respectable work because we have some weird phobia of our own bodies that makes nudity disgraceful. Put beads over your nipples and suddenly you're classy for acting French =p

Obviously I'm not commenting on the work you've done as I've never seen it, but what I am saying is that the job itself requires an unhealthy mentality and puts WAY too much of your life's focus on the meaningless aesthetics and that's almost the limit of your qualifications. It's easy to feel uncomfortable about yourself, or unstable about your eating habits when there's so much riding on it. It's like pushing a button because someone told you not to.

And you put yourself through it for the money. That glorious money that's so great that you're so happy binging on tubs of ice cream so you feel disgusting enough to force yourself to exercise and eat right again.

Money's fun, but it's worthless. You can buy stuff with it. You wont be happy. You can buy nice clothes, you still wont be happy with your lifestyle. So what's the point on having all that money if you're uncomfortable and stressing out like this?

I just think it's sort of warped that here you are, someone who seems to be in good overall health taking care of themselves properly, and yet you're still fighting strong cravings and eating disorders with what sound like issues of self image, and feeling disgusted at gaining a few pounds here and there. Something about that doesn't seem right when you look at it like that, does it?

This doesn't entirely sound like someone who's living well for themselves. Get some work that makes you worry about something other than how many centimeters you've gained to get your mind off the importance of your weight (muscle weighs more than fat anyways, so even your weight isn't a great measurement for your body's health. Plenty of the world's greatest athletes have rated as morbidly obese on their BF ratios while being considered some of the most fit and attractive athletes in the sport). If you love modeling, great, keep doing it, just don't live for someone else's expectations. Especially if they're just paying you to prance around in pretty clothes so they can sell those clothes.

Health and happiness are priceless. If you can't maintain the two in synchronization, your lifestyle isn't working for you. You're never going to wake up and decide you don't like chocolate anymore because you're too healthy for it. It's just gotta become who you are, and how you act is largely, if not almost entirely, based on your circumstances in life. Know what's good for you, listen to you body (it WILL tell you what you should be doing or eating if you learn to pay attention to it), and keep your sense about it. You don't have to be as thin as you can be. Any organism with its goals that out of whack would never thrive successfully. Body fat plays an important role in your body. Don't hate it just because you can acquire too much with abuse.

I disagree with the above post. If someone is passionate about modeling or any job for that matter, they can make it work. Not all models are runway models that go to fashion week. That's a small portion of the large population of models. Yes, those are the ones that get all of the fame and money, but they're also the ones under the most pressure to fit a certain image. All of those people you see in advertisements in newspapers and magazines. Those are all models, and most of them look like average people because that's who the market is for. What about fitness models. Can you claim that is unhealthy?

To the OP, if you feel pressured by your job, do something to take the pressure off. What's more important, a job or your physical and emotional health? I think the stress you're putting yourself through is more damaging than anything else. Take a step back, realize that the food isn't everything. Don't beat yourself up over this.

It's very hard to eat and live clean. It really is. I find, at these times, that portion control is KEY.

You are welcome.

You control binging by controlling your internal functions within.

Nothing happens without your prior consent--no matter the intensity of the opposing force compelling you.


Best wishes

Raul.

Reward yourself once a week, i eat something that has between 800-1000 calories, is it a big piece of cheesecake, or a 200g chocolate and that stops me from craving things during the rest of the week, and it's guilt-free cause i work out in the evening. I used to have the same problem as you, i am a chocolate addict, i can eat big amounts and by big i mean big. When i was binge eating i would go through 5000-7000 calories in an hour, so believe me, it works. Don't look at it as good or bad food, look at it as extra calories. I hope this will help you as it helped me.