confuzzled

according to the partner.

His side- says she doesnt initiate things, sex, oral very often at all, it makes him feel unwanted. He has said to her "If I am not going to get what I want from you, I will leave and get it elsewhere, I dont want to have to force you to do things you obviously dont want to do"

we have more than the average amount of kids, 5 of them, the youngest still often es into bed with us, a real passion killer. He hates the child in our bed, but NEVER takes them out back to their own bed, or sits with them for a few minutes, then blames me for not getting a good night sleep and taking child back to bed...

He plains he always has to ask for oral, most times he asks, he gets, but hes angry for me not just giving it, or asking to give it. He thinks because I dont ask, means I dont care for him enough, and all that BS.

I am one for not initiating, I have acknowledged that. Being a mother to lots of kids, aint easy, and having to do the majority of everything, no thoughts of sex very rarely enter my mind.

I have tried asking him to help more with the kids, and the house, to free up some time and lessen the burden, and because I do this, he thinks that I treat sex as a chore.

Sometimes I feel that, I spend all day cleaning up after him, and the kids, and sex is just more stuff to clean up after. I know thats wrong, but I am just so tired and run down, and I feel just as unwanted and unloved as he says he is.

He doesnt phone me in the days just to say hi, or send a quick email, or sms, I know hes busy at work, but all I am asking is for 1min of his time to say hello, to know hes thinking of me.

I cook 99% of the meals, or organise take-out, but its still me who has to think of what to have and prepare or pick up.

He eats, then dumps the plate, doesnt s****e, or stack it, just leaves it for me to clean up after.

I want to feel like his partner, not his frikken mother or house maid.

I want to be thought of too!

I know sexually he thinks of me, and always wants to make me happy in that department, but I need help and support and love shown in other ways also!

He doesnt tend to understand this.. am I asking too much.

He has told me on several occassions that he wants to leave because hes unsatisfied with our sex lives, and the lack of oral sex, but everything else, is fine, and he can live with, and he loves the way I look after him, just I am not looking after his sexual needs enough.

is 2-3 times a week really that bad to have sex, and probably oral 1-2 times a week.

the next thing is, he hates how I wont let him cum in my mouth, or never attempt to swallow. I have let him finish in my mouth a few times. The first time I nearly vomited, and spat it out on the floor and ran of to rinse my mouth, while I liked seeing his face, it was the foulest thing I have ever experienced, yet I tried it a couple more times to please him, thinking the 2nd time would be better, it wasnt, it was just as foul.

I tried at least a few times, but this is still not good enough, he sulks about it often, yet I have told him, I just cant do it!

He then whinges I never ask him to go down on me, and he says how much he loves it, and wants to, but I never ask. Now I know alot of women would love that, not saying that I dont, but it just gets so wet, and the wet irrates me, he just fills me up with spit and dribble, and I dont like wet patches, but I have said to him, he doesnt have to ask, just do it, but then he never does, as he says if I dont ask I mustnt like it. I do, but just not for too long when it starts getting wet.

We havent however had sex for the past two weeks, due to him being sick, and he goes to bed early, and I have to stay up till the kids are in bed and asleep, plus I dont want to catch his flu thing anyway.

so now hes moping about and ignoring my calls, messages.

He says the only thing he hates about me is the lack of sex/oral/passion in our lives, and says if it doesnt improves soon, he will leave.

I have just been totally stressing out, the kids are picking up on vibes and playing up even more, and I am left to deal with it all, while he sits there and plays his games on the ps or pc

what else is there to ad.

um, is it wrong of me to expect him to help with cleaning, hes never washed a toilet, or shower in his life (well not since hes been with me) never mopped a floor, hires a lawnmower man because he doesnt want to do it himself.

All I ask is to be treated like a partner, not a housemaid, and by that, simple things for him to help, like putting his washing in the laundry hamper, staking his dinner plate, saying thankyou for the meal I just cooked, I mean, I serve up food, he grabs his and walks away, and sits and doesnt even have the mon manners to wait for me to sit with him) sits, scoffs the food, I get no thanks that was yum.. I only get plaints like, cant eat it, dont like it, what else is there.

I bend over backwards to please him, feed him, wash his clothes, iron, do all the shopping, bath the kids, make sure they are looked after.

when we go out, its me getting 6 of us ready, and he just worries about himself

in the mornings, he never gets the kids brekfast, nothing, he sleeps till the last minute, whereas he could get up 5mins early and help and take some pressure off me.

none of this makes sense does it, I am just all over the place.

basically, he wants to leave after just over 2 decades together, as his sexual needs arent beeing met. Who does that!! Talk about feeling used and unloved! what a kick in the teeth that is, he says he loves me, and I take care of him really well in other areas, just hes not getting enough sex.

I love him, yes, even with pig attitude, and all.

I just feel totally trampled on, and like a house maid more than ever!

Is sex twice a week really that bad! (on average, there have been times where its 5/6 times a week there)

Is it me! am I a terrible partner?

and why now after 22 years together, is he up to something.

for the past 6 months, hes being in weird moods, mostly for the week I am on my monthlies, if he hast had sex for more than 4 days, he goes into these moods and ignores me, and treat me like dirt, and basically sooks that hes not getting any.

I acknowledge his needs arent always being met, but nor are mine! and just because mine arent sexually based, just it make them not as important.

he says the kids shouldnt e into this argument, but how can they not be a factor when they are a huge part of our lives, well mine, coz I do more for them than he ever does, its like its a burden when he has to help, or if I ask for help he gets all shirty like, its a hassle.

SinisterUrge

This is more of a couples counseling issue than a sex issue. Consult a family therapist.