NO SEX - What the heck should I do ? - Men's Health Information, Including Fitness, Nutrition, Weight Loss, Working Out & Sex

XBS · 05-22-2009, 04:54 PM

Hi - I'm a MAN - and new to this site.

I'm 44 - married since 1994 - no children - a big beautiful home - and I’ve been refused sex from my wife for the last seven years .... yes - you read that correct.

During this time I’ve been frustrated to say the least ... I’m physically fit - slim, very handsome
and over 7.5 inches long ( you know what-um-say’n there ? ) ...

Yet - my wife just repels me - she has no interest in sex.
For the last 4 years or so - I’ve been sleeping in a separate bedroom.

Other than that - we get along fine !
We care for each other - we both love our home,
we share dreams to make our little world nicer ... just NO intimacy.

Over the last few years I’ve been probing around on an on-line dating site.
Texting with some woman - flirting ... imagining having intimacy back in my life.

Five months back - a woman sent me a message on that site ...
many have - but she was different ... we hit if off rather quickly.
Over a month or more we became close - only via text through the site,
but then off the site - still just e-mail.

We decided to meet close to her town.

She’s Beautiful.

She thinks I’m beautiful.

It was like two teenagers in high school.

We were just fixated with each other ...

As we said good bye, I asked her if I could just give her a hug.
She said yes - it was such a warm big hug ...
She gave me just a peck of a kiss on my lips ...
and Bam - that was it ... we just unloaded on each other ...
I’ve never experienced such passion kissing a woman ...
... wow ... just wow.

---

Now - at this point .... ****ty ****py ME,
did not reveal that I was married ...

ya ... I know ... I’m a jerk, an hole ... enough already
I’ve more than beat myself up about this ...

---

Over the next 2 days, I realised “ you cant continue this facade, you’ll fall in love and eventually have to reveal the truth “ -- so I wrote a long e-mail and spilled my guts to her.
The whole truth ...

She was of course ... angry. embarrassed that she let herself get in this position, and asked me to never contact her again.

... well I kind-a had that coming ... didn't I ?

I stayed up all that night - staring at the ceiling - feeling like I had just lost
something so precious ...

In the morning I check my e-mail ... to find that she had done the same ...
slept not a wink ... felt the same ... and wanted to stay in contact with me.

She knows my situation - my happy little marriage with zero intimacy and separate rooms,
much less beds ...

We’ve now been in touch for over 5 months.
We’ve met several times.
We kiss each other with such passion it’s amazing.
we play with each other - oral and touching ...

we ... just ... had intercourse ...

it was wonderful - we’re both so open with each other.
We share our thoughts, our feelings ... everything.
she’s amazing.

-

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ???

-

... why is my wife so un-interesrted in sex ?
... why is it that I can have this incredible woman
so mad about me and have such a wonderful relationship
with her - yet my wife - repels me ? Just NO Interest in sex !
It’s like sex is BAD - Icky, a SIN, to be avoided !!

.... I’m approaching a cross roads ...
I love my home ... and .... my wife ...
do I lust for my wife ... well - no, how could I ?
She’s put my sex life in the palm of my hand !!

But - I now picture how wonderful life could be
with this new special person in my life ...
Lots of questions ...
like - why is my wife like this ?
How could a woman let a marriage degrade to this ?
and does she really think that I’m to accept
having the Rest of my Life ... celibate .. in a marriage ?

---

Lend me some thoughts ... could ya ????

I know I should stop - but god, this woman is
incredible ... she is fully aware of the situation we're
both in ... she LOVES SEX - everything - she’s beautiful,
fun - sexy - ....

Look - I know what the RIGHT thing is to do - I’m nit that shallow,
but if you guys were in a marriage and refused sex for seven years,
the desire starts to burn ... real bad - and you really start thinking,
I could literally get old and DIE ... and have not have had sex since 37 !

I need to either get my wife back into sex - or get out.

But - other than the lack of sex - may wife is a truly wonderful person.
Really ... she is ! -

What would you do ?

Scheepers · 05-23-2009, 07:32 AM

Are you willing to live for the rest of your life like this? If not get out of that marrige life is to short to waste like that. Beutifull hose or not you can't take it with you start over again you are still yong. I have stated over on age 52 with a beutifull woman and we enjoy our sex live very much on age 56 now we have evry night and morning sex and we just love this. GOOD LUCK take the Jump and just do it.

mayday · 05-23-2009, 12:03 PM

Chances are she is with another man as well. If she gets her physical desires somewhere else, then she doesn't need it from you. If you want to save your marriage, then go to a counselor with her. Otherwise, get a divorce. I will be divorced in a month from a 2 year marriage, but mine was hopeless.

TTrix · 05-23-2009, 05:25 PM

I'm a woman and although never married, I moved out on my boyfriend of seven years last year because of the same type of problem. Separate bedrooms, but it was HE who was never interested in sex. I keep myself looking good, didn't matter, he just wasn't into sex. I met somebody online and started an affair with him and moved out two weeks later. I was 36 at the time, the new man is in his forties and we are now living together. Getting out of the no intimacy relationship was the best move I ever made. Go ahead and get out now, life is too short and there are too many fantastic experiences to be had!! Sexual and otherwise!

**SinisterUrge** · 05-27-2009, 04:28 PM

I don't know where you are but refusing sex for 365 days is grounds for divorce in New York. (Which is how most people in prison get divorced without benefit of a hearing... since you're in the big house you can't really say you've been doing your spousal duties)

Anyway, your conundrum is thus:
*Get divorced and be unhappy for a few years.
*Stay married and be unhappy forever.

VictorBush · 07-01-2009, 05:47 AM

By listening your problem I am thrilled by the thought that how you will be feeling.I would like to tell you that if you truly love your wife and she too then just try to get the explanation from her for such behavior.If she love you then she will commit her mistake or she will tell you if she had any external affair.Try to find if she had any physical problem ,try to get it solved from any good doctor if so.Tell her your situation and try to make her mentally ready.Its because that your sex urge can be satisfied anywhere but you wont get true love anywhere.After all you married her not just for sex,try to understand her problems.If everything falls in your court then just fall out.But i think that a stage will come when you will be completely satisfied,then you'll remember your past days,so whatever you do think and do.Bye tc

monster24 · 10-21-2009, 06:30 AM

XBS...I Could have written that. Even your physical description fits mine, separate rooms with my wife, no sex for years, met an amazing woman online, we met and had the most passionate sex I have ever had. so amazing...
I know how you feel ....and I have no solution. maybe you have by now as your posts is some months old. I know, that I can't live without sex any longer...and I think I wil separate from my wife. We have tried a lot...councelling, books, courses, counselling again...etc. Don't know...it's not there anymore. And it's not because I have met another woman. I really tried to make a difference. Make my wife feel special, sexy, appreciated. left her all the time on earth to find herself...Nothing. You have said so well...we could wait another 50 years hoping that's getting better ...it wouldn't.
Hope you have sorted out your situation...please post your experience here.

**WildChild** · 01-30-2010, 10:03 AM

Speaking as a woman, it isn't just men who find themselves with an uninterested partner. It is a miserable place to be but you really should get out before you start something new.
I realise the OP is long gone but; no kids, separate rooms, no sex - this isn't a marriage, it's roommates.
Why do this to yourself? Get out and give both of you an opportunity to find a more compatible partner.

05-22-2009, 04:54 PM	#1
XBS Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 1	NO SEX - What the heck should I do ? Hi - I'm a MAN - and new to this site. I'm 44 - married since 1994 - no children - a big beautiful home - and I’ve been refused sex from my wife for the last seven years .... yes - you read that correct. During this time I’ve been frustrated to say the least ... I’m physically fit - slim, very handsome and over 7.5 inches long ( you know what-um-say’n there ? ) ... Yet - my wife just repels me - she has no interest in sex. For the last 4 years or so - I’ve been sleeping in a separate bedroom. Other than that - we get along fine ! We care for each other - we both love our home, we share dreams to make our little world nicer ... just NO intimacy. Over the last few years I’ve been probing around on an on-line dating site. Texting with some woman - flirting ... imagining having intimacy back in my life. Five months back - a woman sent me a message on that site ... many have - but she was different ... we hit if off rather quickly. Over a month or more we became close - only via text through the site, but then off the site - still just e-mail. We decided to meet close to her town. She’s Beautiful. She thinks I’m beautiful. It was like two teenagers in high school. We were just fixated with each other ... As we said good bye, I asked her if I could just give her a hug. She said yes - it was such a warm big hug ... She gave me just a peck of a kiss on my lips ... and Bam - that was it ... we just unloaded on each other ... I’ve never experienced such passion kissing a woman ... ... wow ... just wow. --- Now - at this point .... **ty **py ME, did not reveal that I was married ... ya ... I know ... I’m a jerk, an hole ... enough already I’ve more than beat myself up about this ... --- Over the next 2 days, I realised “ you cant continue this facade, you’ll fall in love and eventually have to reveal the truth “ -- so I wrote a long e-mail and spilled my guts to her. The whole truth ... She was of course ... angry. embarrassed that she let herself get in this position, and asked me to never contact her again. ... well I kind-a had that coming ... didn't I ? I stayed up all that night - staring at the ceiling - feeling like I had just lost something so precious ... In the morning I check my e-mail ... to find that she had done the same ... slept not a wink ... felt the same ... and wanted to stay in contact with me. She knows my situation - my happy little marriage with zero intimacy and separate rooms, much less beds ... We’ve now been in touch for over 5 months. We’ve met several times. We kiss each other with such passion it’s amazing. we play with each other - oral and touching ... we ... just ... had intercourse ... it was wonderful - we’re both so open with each other. We share our thoughts, our feelings ... everything. she’s amazing. - WHAT AM I GONNA DO ??? - ... why is my wife so un-interesrted in sex ? ... why is it that I can have this incredible woman so mad about me and have such a wonderful relationship with her - yet my wife - repels me ? Just NO Interest in sex ! It’s like sex is BAD - Icky, a SIN, to be avoided !! .... I’m approaching a cross roads ... I love my home ... and .... my wife ... do I lust for my wife ... well - no, how could I ? She’s put my sex life in the palm of my hand !! But - I now picture how wonderful life could be with this new special person in my life ... Lots of questions ... like - why is my wife like this ? How could a woman let a marriage degrade to this ? and does she really think that I’m to accept having the Rest of my Life ... celibate .. in a marriage ? --- Lend me some thoughts ... could ya ???? I know I should stop - but god, this woman is incredible ... she is fully aware of the situation we're both in ... she LOVES SEX - everything - she’s beautiful, fun - sexy - .... Look - I know what the RIGHT thing is to do - I’m nit that shallow, but if you guys were in a marriage and refused sex for seven years, the desire starts to burn ... real bad - and you really start thinking, I could literally get old and DIE ... and have not have had sex since 37 ! I need to either get my wife back into sex - or get out. But - other than the lack of sex - may wife is a truly wonderful person. Really ... she is ! - What would you do ?

07-01-2009, 05:47 AM	#6
VictorBush Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: New York Posts: 3	Really you are in a great rift.. By listening your problem I am thrilled by the thought that how you will be feeling.I would like to tell you that if you truly love your wife and she too then just try to get the explanation from her for such behavior.If she love you then she will commit her mistake or she will tell you if she had any external affair.Try to find if she had any physical problem ,try to get it solved from any good doctor if so.Tell her your situation and try to make her mentally ready.Its because that your sex urge can be satisfied anywhere but you wont get true love anywhere.After all you married her not just for sex,try to understand her problems.If everything falls in your court then just fall out.But i think that a stage will come when you will be completely satisfied,then you'll remember your past days,so whatever you do think and do.Bye tc

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

05-23-2009, 07:32 AM	#2
Scheepers Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1	Are you willing to live for the rest of your life like this? If not get out of that marrige life is to short to waste like that. Beutifull hose or not you can't take it with you start over again you are still yong. I have stated over on age 52 with a beutifull woman and we enjoy our sex live very much on age 56 now we have evry night and morning sex and we just love this. GOOD LUCK take the Jump and just do it.

05-23-2009, 12:03 PM	#3
mayday Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Italy Posts: 1	Chances are she is with another man as well. If she gets her physical desires somewhere else, then she doesn't need it from you. If you want to save your marriage, then go to a counselor with her. Otherwise, get a divorce. I will be divorced in a month from a 2 year marriage, but mine was hopeless.

05-23-2009, 05:25 PM	#4
TTrix Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 3	I'm a woman and although never married, I moved out on my boyfriend of seven years last year because of the same type of problem. Separate bedrooms, but it was HE who was never interested in sex. I keep myself looking good, didn't matter, he just wasn't into sex. I met somebody online and started an affair with him and moved out two weeks later. I was 36 at the time, the new man is in his forties and we are now living together. Getting out of the no intimacy relationship was the best move I ever made. Go ahead and get out now, life is too short and there are too many fantastic experiences to be had!! Sexual and otherwise!

05-27-2009, 04:28 PM	#5
SinisterUrge Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 274	I don't know where you are but refusing sex for 365 days is grounds for divorce in New York. (Which is how most people in prison get divorced without benefit of a hearing... since you're in the big house you can't really say you've been doing your spousal duties) Anyway, your conundrum is thus: Get divorced and be unhappy for a few years. Stay married and be unhappy forever.

10-21-2009, 06:30 AM	#7
monster24 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	XBS...I Could have written that. Even your physical description fits mine, separate rooms with my wife, no sex for years, met an amazing woman online, we met and had the most passionate sex I have ever had. so amazing... I know how you feel ....and I have no solution. maybe you have by now as your posts is some months old. I know, that I can't live without sex any longer...and I think I wil separate from my wife. We have tried a lot...councelling, books, courses, counselling again...etc. Don't know...it's not there anymore. And it's not because I have met another woman. I really tried to make a difference. Make my wife feel special, sexy, appreciated. left her all the time on earth to find herself...Nothing. You have said so well...we could wait another 50 years hoping that's getting better ...it wouldn't. Hope you have sorted out your situation...please post your experience here.

01-30-2010, 10:03 AM	#8
WildChild Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 293	Speaking as a woman, it isn't just men who find themselves with an uninterested partner. It is a miserable place to be but you really should get out before you start something new. I realise the OP is long gone but; no kids, separate rooms, no sex - this isn't a marriage, it's roommates. Why do this to yourself? Get out and give both of you an opportunity to find a more compatible partner.