1) Lie-ins become like Solar Eclipses, when the time comes for you to have one, your busy doing something else and have totally forgotten.

2) Children have four limbs, equally as nimble. When feeding, you may think you've successfully navigated the octopus like arms, on the home straight to the mouth, when a rising axe kick will catch you unaware, knocking contents everywhere.

3) There is a term used to describe the male bearer of a child, and that is pack-mule. If the SAS want a real hard work out, they carry child cornocopia.

4) There is nothing faster on this planet than a mother who think her child is going to fall. The child however knows this and just likes to show you who is the boss by feigning a trip/fall.

5) The strongest most rigid natural material on this planet is a child who doesnt want to get into a buggy/car seat

6) Parents learn the ability to follow a films plot and storyline despite several interruptions.

7) A night is not over until you've been to sleep and woken up in the morning. Everything in between is fair game to a child.

8) The day you arrogantly ignore the fact that you need more supplies than Mothercare provide, your child will produce an elephant turd which turns the air green.....

in a public place....

usually a restaurant....

after you've just gotten your meal!.

9) Save all your money and dont buy your child any toys. Instead save it up and buy them a mobile phone or flatscreen tv, because regardless of what toys THEY have, the mobile phone or flatscreen tv is what they REALLY want.

10) Mothers look forward to the days when junior is palmed off to the grandparents or relatives. However never enjoys the day, because she is worrying too much about junior with the grandparents.

11) The phrase "buy something for yourself" is translated in a mothers brain into "Buy your child something, everything, anything".

12) Kids have no fear...thats because they transmit it to you via osmosis.

anyone want to add anymore?