i took my last anti-depressant two days ago. i'd got the dose down slowly and was at 12.5 mg (sertraline) for two weeks. i had my hair done and was feeling great. but then succumbed to taking drugs - bad mistake and i'm very ashemd. picked myself up and like i say stopped taking a-d's cos i thought i could handle it. well the last two days i feel ILL, very depressed, aching, digestive disturbances, outlook has gone rapidly down-hill, hate myself, how i look, overeating and putting on 1lb every two days! i'm 14st12 now the worst i've ever been! but i CANNOT go back to taking them. not an option. i think clearer without them - i've been able to do things like cleaning / cooking / going for a walk etc. but i have also been self-harming again. i just hate myself so much.

my husband is trying to be positive for me. he says feeling this bad will surely spur me into really sorting things - a diet if i want and working out. but i can't see how to!! i tried cutting out sugar yesterday and ended up eating half a chocolate cake and four white bread sandwiches! this kinda stuff makes me ill - i have bad eczema i think is food related. i'd tried all day to eat healthily - more salad and veg etx but i don't think fruit and salad or milk or eggs or yoghurt agrees with me and like i say i had bad diarrhoea. i CAN'T eat healthily!!! literally can't.