I feel so lost, I cant find myself anywhere, And ive looked in every stereotypical ways in which people find themselves, Ive tried the relationship, Ive tried the bottom of a whisky bottle, Ive tried throwing myself into my college work, and now i seem to have ignored it for so long that Ive made an idealistic view of myself. I have a front which has almost become my recognised personality.Im known to be outgoing, loud, caring, compassionate, everything you'd want to be. But its exactly what im not. i feel so empty inside, like a stones in my stomach, and my thoughts are blocked by something. I dont want to speak, or smile, or socialise.

I dont understand why Ive been taught that the things I need to life to feel as If ive achieved something is a husband, kids, a 3 bedroom semi detached house, a flat screen tv & a dishwasher. I hate it when people say "life is what you make it" because I did not choose to have a life. I dont see why having a good life is linked with things such as success, love & money. the only reason people believe this is because from a young age weve been conditioned to do so. This makes me angry because as much as the world has developed that we require some of these things to survive in life, I dont think we should pressure everybody in society to feel that having a good life is having all or some of these qualities. Its known that if you were to drive a bmw and your blonde wife was to get out the passenger seat, people would be jealous of that. I dont know why people are made to think this, because not only does it help people feel worse about themselves, but only presents such thoughts as envy, and other horrible traits in people that we would not possess if we werent first given that oppertunity from birth.