Firstly not sure if this is the correct place to post but I will go ahead anyway.

I joined tis forum this morning looking for help and answers to my life!!

I am 32 yearold male,successful in work, not in love, people say I am good looking and why am I single but this just makes me angry as they dont know me and what goes on inside my head.

My perosnality is I used to be very outgoing, optimistic and looked forward to whatever life threw at me.

Now I feel like I want to die the sooner the better to escape tis pain., I hate myself so much, I feel stupid frustrated and hell bent and making my own life more miserable. I dont understand hy this is the case I have supportive parents who love me. I have a great job, travel the world see all sorts of interesting things. My boss even opened an office in Manchester especially for me as I was in meltdown living in London.

I went to see the doctor about 2 months ago and he prescribed me Veneflaxin 75 mg which seemed to work in the beginning I started going out socially again, joined the gym and started getting fit but now I seem to slowly be slipping into self destruct mode and I cant seem to stop myself, I have totally lost my gusto and am In real dispar.

The doctor said he would refer me to a counseller so I could tackle my demons however when the letter came through it said that I was on a waiting list and the waiting period was about 26 weeks unless urgent. I never replied to the letter however I wish I had then I would be in the system.

I really dont want to be taking any medication but feel I have this life sentence now as I have lost total control of my life and feel like a puppet being controlled by ther forces. I hate it. I hate these sinking feeling inside that never go away, I hat questioning everything and I hate the fact I hate myself so much and more than anything I hate the fact that I cant find a solution to this nightmare.

If this is not the right place to write this then I apologise and will remove it if someone says but I need advice and help before I do something stupid. I am not looking for any miracle cures I just want to be content with myself and try to live the normal life that everyone thinks I live.