first thank you strawbean,mitza,copper and salt and surfcaster for your nice response. i think about this one girlfriend i had we went out for 4 years and i cheated on her 100 times with a least 10 girls. she loved me with all her heart gave me what ever i wanted. spent thousands just to try to make me happy and everything i stood for was a lie. when i left because i had no choice. she cried like i never seen anyone cry befor. and i'm suppose to forgive myself i cant get it out of my mind i cant let it go maybe she has but i cant and it's been 8 years since i've seen her.

And the guy whose ass i kicked day after day for no reson, just because i could. and i'm suppose to forgive myself. i've read some of the post from poeple on this forum about being sad because of a broken heart or beacuse they were bullied or lied to by someone. and i would like to APOLOGIZE on behalf of all the liers,bullies and heartbreakers, who caused everyone so much sadness in thier lives because i know i will live with all the hate sadness and depression i might have cause for the rest of my life.and i find myself so sad and depressed alone no matter how many people are around empty with nothing no matter how much i have. i dont think i could ever forgive myself why? because i just cant not move on i'm stuck in the past no matter how many years go by.by the way i made a vow to myself never to cheat or lie again but i think it's to late for that.even though some of you my say it's not in the back of my mind it will always be. i have not had a single friend in 7 years.no matter how hard to try to make one it seem's the only time i did was when i lied.

once again thank you for taking the time to read my chapter of my life.