I have been diagnosed with depression 2 years ago (this is my second diagnosed episode - although I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since childhood).

I have read and heard that sexual abuse victims can often suffer from depression throughtout their lives... My question is regarding repressed memories of sexual abuse at an early age.

I have always experienced problems with each partner that I have had in my life. Sometimes, out of the blue, I cannot stand being touched by my partner when he intiates sex. I try to think of something else hoping that this feeling will go away but nothing works. I still feel sick to my stomach and have to ask him to stop.This does not happen often, but it is reccurent. I've struggle all my life with low self-esteem, self-hatred, self-injury, hating how my body looks and sleeping with men early in the relationship hoping that they will "love me more"...

I do have "flashbacks", memories of the basement of my babysitter's house when I was really young. No details come to mind except that it was dark down there and feeling scared and unconfortable. I also have a vague memory of my babysitter's husband who was also in the house. I sometimes think I am loosing my mind. I have absolutely no proof or clear memory that anything ever happened to me. But I keep wondering if maybe something did. What should I do? Is it possible to not remember? If so, is there a way to remember sexual abuse that might of happened at a very young age?