This is the first time I've used anything like this, so please bear with me.
I'm a 30 year old mum of 2 girls. I've been suffering with depression on and off for the past 14 years. Had 3 suicide attempts (not for a long time now though) and have been on anti-depressents again for the past 9 months. Had lots of counselling, the most recent being 12 weeks ending in Feb 2008.

Things have been going quite well following my last load of counselling but the black feeling has been creeping in over the last four weeks and it's just getting worse by the day. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty much on top of things, keeping myself busy but it's getting harder and harder again. Got no motivation, don't want to speak or see my friends, could quite happily lie in bed all day. I find it difficult to explain to my boyfriend what is wrong with me and worry he will leave me because I'm such a freak. I'm finding it hard to entertain my children and feel so bad for them, they appear ok but I know they find it difficult when I'm like this.

Don't really know why I'm here saying all this, I know what I SHOULD do, exercise, eat banana's in the sunshine, talk about it, blah blah blah, but although I know all that, doing it is something completely different when I'm in the midst of it and I just don't know what to do. I am SO sick of this, I desperately just want to be 'normal', be able to get through day to day life like 'normal' people do, what's wrong with me????

Thanks for listening to my ramblings, sorry for wasting anyones time.