Im in no fit state to make any sense I just need to write some stuff down and make it known that I am NOT COPING

There, I said it. I am sick of putting on a brave face for everyone, peeling myself out of bed, going to work and being professional all day, and then coming home to a s**thole of a flat cos I just dont have the capacity to look after myself anymore.

I try to build myself a support network but I only have three people I can really talk too. One is my ex so cant talk to him anymore, one I have never met other than on-line and one lives very far away. I am lonely and NOT COPING

It feels good just to say it, even in type on a forum. Sorry if I am bumming anyone out with this, I just dont know what else to do to blow off steam. I am taking meds again now but just feel medicated, all the underlying stuff is there but I am so controlled by the meds that I don't have my outlets anymore to help me cope and get the demons out. I am doing everything I can to try and fight this but nothing is making me feel better, maybe I am not supposed to feel better, maybe this is how I am meant to feel. Maybe I expect too much.

I feel like the walking dead.