Thread: Wife cheated a while ago

Okay here goes……

The decision to post has been a battle between my ego, and my need to get help for my life.

I have been married for fifteen years, twelve of which was exactly what I had hoped it would be. I adored her, and believed she adored me. I had a passion for my best friend that was unshakable.
There are way too many details that I want to spit out at once, and most are likely irrelevant to any but myself. So I will try and keep it as easy to follow as I can.
Three months ago, I accepted a job that would take me out of town for almost two months. So a few days after the New Year rang in, I hit the road, nothing new for a construction worker and his family in western Canada.
I call home a few times a day while I am away, always have, just to talk to my girl and ask how the kids are doing. About two weeks into the job, before I went to bed I couldn’t get a hold of her, not a big deal, her cousins were in town for the week, and I just figured they were out to dinner and a few drinks. She confirmed this when I called the next day. No big deal at all.
Things continue on our regular path the rest of the time I’m gone, until about a week before I am done. I will never really know if it was guilt, or her inability to control what I would hear when I got home, that caused her to call me in the middle of the night.
She said there was this guy in the bar and she was trying to set her cousin up with him, when things got a little sideways on her, and they kissed. Wow I was in shock! My heart fell on the floor, but all in all not that major, I can deal with this. We talked most of the night, being from a small town, I was glad that he was not from there, she wouldn’t see him ever again, and I would not run into him.
The next morning, something didn’t sit well with me. So I called her and asked “what time did you get home that night?”
There was a very long pause…”late….me and my cousin ended up going to a house party after the bar closed”
This set off so many alarms in my head I can’t tell you how???? I was. My wife and I are in our mid to late thirties, and we have five children, ranging from eighteen down to six. House parties are a long way behind us. Not that it can’t happen; it’s just way out of the norm, especially without being together.
This set the precedent for the next few days, more of the story would unfold, every revelation would lead to another half truth, and every little lie would reveal a past lie.
My heart was breaking on small piece at a time. I will never know if the extent of her cheating id fully known. I do know these things
She did kiss him in the bar, although most rational people would call it making out. They did go to the party together, the cousins followed in my car. They didn’t stay involved in the party long; they opted to go to an upstairs bedroom. They did have sex. They did wake up together in the morning. Albeit to her cousin telling her they were leaving. He was in fact someone from town as well, she didn’t want to tell me that detail as he is married as well, and lives down the street, and she didn’t want to cause him any trouble!
By the time I have this information, it is time for me to drive back to a life I didn’t have any more.
I do the only thing I know; I try to protect her, us, the family. With a crushed soul I try to soldier on. I agree to not cause more trouble either for me or for him, by confronting him. In time I begin to avoid going out, avoid participating in the children’s events. Everywhere I go there he is, or his wife, or the knowing eyes of our family and friends, all of whom have direct or indirect knowledge of this. (But never stopped her, or called to tell me!) I become a split person, angry some days, defeated the next.
Finally I propose a fresh start she agrees, and six months ago we moved into a new town. I fully expected me to get better. Problem is that I really didn’t change that much. I still think about it, I still have such a heart ache over it. I find myself questioning everything. Such as….
Twelve years ago I had a vasectomy, the doctor told us it was far safer than having her tubes tied. Six years later she was pregnant with twins! The doctor pulled me aside to explain that these things do happen, but for my piece of mind, he would arrange for me to get tested, at the time I was offended! I declined thank you very much! Now I wonder, but can never know, all the test would prove is that yes she had done it before that night in the bar, and the babies that I love so much are not mine!!
I am running out of words…..
I don’t know what I could have done different, either before or after the cheat, I am unable to decide if she still looks for other men, or finds them. Maybe I have left it to long to do anything about it now….
I need some help