Please help. I have been married for over 23 years and have come to the realization that my husband can't be trusted. He has lied to me since the day I met him. First, it was something small - he chewed tobacco and didn't tell me. When I found out, he said he would quit, and I believed him. Only he started again and kept it from me again. Finally, after several years and a big confrontation, he quit. Don't get me wrong I know that it isn't that big of a deal to chew, it is that fact that he deceived me. Then I found out that he had been buying phone cards and calling an ex-girlfriend. This was at a time when money was in short supply so that made it even worse. We had a huge arguement with him saying he wouldn't do it anymore. And I believed him. He says that he has never had an affair, but how do you believe someone who just keeps lying? He has told me that he won't tell me things if he knows that it will upset me or hurt me. Just recently I found pornography in his car. I confronted him and he said he didn't look at it that often, but knew it was wrong. He went to a weekend retreat to deal with the issue and came back saying he would do anything to get me to trust him again and really work on our marriage. My husband is also addicted to food. He is constantly eating out and hiding it from me. This wouldn't be that big of a deal, except that he uses money that we don't have. I had to take over the bills because he was getting us further and further into debt. But, he sneaks to the bank and gets out money anyway.
Please help me, I really don't know what to do. I no longer love him and have absolutely no respect for him anymore. We are both Christians and even though I do have biblical reasons for divorcing him, I don't think I should. At least not yet. This is also having a devastating effect on our kids, ages 13 and 15. They feel all the tension in the house and we no longer have a happy home. I know that I can no longer trust him. I even found out that he was stealing money out of my purse, so now I have to hide my purse whenever he is home. We have gone to counseling off and on, but it hasn't helped and we really can't afford to anymore. He says he's going to change but it never happens.
Any input or advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. thank you