I've been going out on a lot of first dates in the past year, but I rarely ever seem to get past date one. Take this story for example:

I met this girl on plentyoffish and we hit it off. She was new to Internet dating and wasn't sure she wanted to do it, but I had her convinced otherwise after a few emails. We chatted on IM for about 1.5 hours and had a blast. I mean, we hit it off really well. We were joking and laughing about everything.

We made a lunch date and met up 2 days later. I had caught a fever during that time and had just got over it when we met at lunch (read: wasn't feeling too hot). This girl could talk. So much so it was hard to get a word in edgewise. No big deal to me I figure. She's probably just excited or something.

Well later that night she tells me that I don't have a big enough personality for her. That's just weird. I was talking and having a relaxing lunch and everything was fine to me.

However, what if she's right? What if I am a stick in the mud? I mean, at least 15 or so first dates with no second ones. Something has to be wrong with me, right?

Any advice or thoughts?

Don't doubt yourself because you don't fit with this one person. Every pot has a lid, and she is apparently not your, uh, lid. Try not to take that personally. You're cute! You cannot be universally appealing.
There's nothing wrong with you, and you certainly should not try to change yourself to suit other people. The trick is to find people who suit you. Capiche?

I read your profile. There's some negative stuff in there about "running into all kinds". That kind of gives a bad vibe. Don't say anything negative in your profile like that. And I think you should also take out the part about not expecting fireworks, but that's just me. Be positive, light, and upbeat. That is the best way to make a good first impression.

Thanks for the compliment, Shou. Apparently I'm an odd shaped pot because all the lids keep bouncing off of me =P

Well, would you rather be a unique pot that requires an equally unique lid, or some boring old one-size-fits-all thing sold in an infomercial?

Point taken. I didn't really think that was negative which is why I put it. I'll change it.

Here's an open note to the Woman Who Insists on More Personality (WHIMP):

I was very distraught when I first discovered this deficiency. I mean, surely most of the successful people in this world rely on their strong and almost unworldly personality. Remembering all of the fun I had watching that super-star jump on Oprah's couch, I ran directly to the Church of Scientology's website and took their personality test. I was relieved to discover that I DO have personality. How can I get more?!

I went and checked out the definition of personality and it reads like so: "the totality of an individual's behavioral and emotional characteristics." So what this is basically telling me is that the sum of my reactions to stimulus around me is what defines my personality. That means that I must start having more than one reaction or opinion on everything, and in order to convey my personality more quickly that I must share these opinions with everyone around me as much as possible. I'm on it!

In all seriousness...

I'm absolutely certain that it was my personality that convinced you to meet me for lunch within the timespan of 24-30 hours from my first message to you. I mean, you weren't even sure you wanted to do this Internet thing and I was just some guy at a computer terminal. Surely you must realize that people convey their personality differently in written and personal forms. In the end your 1 hour lunch test may not have been enough time to see the personality shown, but you knew it was there because of our previous communication. Either that, or you couldn't hear it over the sound of your own voice.

Women like you are why dating sucks so much. Thanks for playing!

Female that Appreciates Readily Shown Ego (FARSE)

This could be fun.

Rewind, your open note to WHIMP is not upbeat or breezy, but then again, I get that it wasn't the intention. As long as these negative attitudes don't seep to the surface while on a date with other women; that would be my concern.

My advice -- when things don't click with a date, don't take it personally. I know, it's easier said than done. The way you take things out of the chat rooms and into a cafe relatively early is perfect. Personally I cannot gadge chemistry through online communication such as Instant Messages or email. However, when I meet a guy in person, I know whether or not chemistry exists. Perhaps she is the same way. It's not a bad reflection on you, (although I understand why the big personality comment bothered you; that was weird) you were not her type.

What it basically boils down to is . . . you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. With that said, why not change your perspective? Instead of focusing on "why wasn't I right for her," ask yourself "what's right for me?"

The issue is that the chemistry and personality match wasn't there. Your personality isn't going to fit everybody. Just like my personality isn't one that not everybody likes. Seriously. Don't take it personal if it doesn't fit.